You can never quite tell what’s going on today because it’s all relative. When someone has a low opinion of another, this other usually has a low opinion of that someone back. What do you base your accuracy on then in deciding who’s right or who is the baddie in the situation, except on which of them it is you like more?
You can only get a “truth” if you choose a side. Or maybe what this is saying is that you can only get truths if you have already experienced them yourself. Because how do you choose a side if not based on your pre-existing values? And in this case, aren’t you merely reinforcing what you already think? You treat it as if you’re intelligently appraising a situation when in actual fact you are finding the quickest route to reminding yourself how right you are…
Yet, there must be something more to liking someone than a matching of values. For I can know I am more in agreement with one side’s set of values, and yet still not feel that enormous liking that compels me to agree with their assessment of the other. Maybe it is still about values but depends on the closeness of the match – on how genuine and consistent you feel the match is across a number of instances and circumstances.
I wonder if it is because I am an F and in general want to give people the benefit of the doubt. Or else…… it is that I am waiting for my own evidence. No matter what anyone says, you can’t trust that that will be true for your experience as well.
On that note I sometimes feel ill at ease with writing about what I see and experience because I’ve had friends tell me about their experience of the same place, often quite discrepant to my own, and I wonder if I have misled them with my pretty pictures and feelings. I shouldn’t worry or feel bad about this because it is the truth of what I have experienced and felt.
But I do wonder: What is the point of saying these things if there is nothing in them that can be shared by others? I write and turn things around in my mind because it’s what I do. But it’d be nice to think that the words find homes in others too.
Sorry if this post seems a little too abstract. It was based on being in a situation where one person sitting amongst their posse was badmouthing a couple of other people, for what seemed like fairly reasonable reasons. The thing was they weren’t only venting, they were trying to get their posse to join in on the slamming. They wanted affirmation “Yeah, those guys suck, the losers who waste their life and have no regard for others.” (~~imply imply: our way of life is best, we know best~~). And they finally pulled their friends into the badmouthing by building the story up to dramatic heights.
The whole time I was thinking… sure, I feel myself more similar to you in how to spend the day and how to act when living with others… but I haven’t had a lot of interaction with these other guys, just like most of the posse. I don’t think the badmouther was a liar in what they experienced and how they felt as a result. But I don’t see why I should have to adopt their negative feelings, why I should make myself look down on these guys before I even know them.
I don’t do it too much but I have joined in on badmouthing, have tried to get people on my side or have joined the side of someone even when I don’t know too much from my own experience. I don’t know what it serves though… Stress relief? But why rope others in, why convince them to believe something about someone they barely know?