Doubts: what is shared, what is created

You can never quite tell what’s going on today because it’s all relative. When someone has a low opinion of another, this other usually has a low opinion of that someone back. What do you base your accuracy on then in deciding who’s right or who is the baddie in the situation, except on which of them it is you like more?

You can only get a “truth” if you choose a side. Or maybe what this is saying is that you can only get truths if you have already experienced them yourself. Because how do you choose a side if not based on your pre-existing values? And in this case, aren’t you merely reinforcing what you already think? You treat it as if you’re intelligently appraising a situation when in actual fact you are finding the quickest route to reminding yourself how right you are…

Yet, there must be something more to liking someone than a matching of values. For I can know I am more in agreement with one side’s set of values, and yet still not feel that enormous liking that compels me to agree with their assessment of the other. Maybe it is still about values but depends on the closeness of the match – on how genuine and consistent you feel the match is across a number of instances and circumstances.

I wonder if it is because I am an F and in general want to give people the benefit of the doubt. Or else…… it is that I am waiting for my own evidence. No matter what anyone says, you can’t trust that that will be true for your experience as well.

On that note I sometimes feel ill at ease with writing about what I see and experience because I’ve had friends tell me about their experience of the same place, often quite discrepant to my own, and I wonder if I have misled them with my pretty pictures and feelings. I shouldn’t worry or feel bad about this because it is the truth of what I have experienced and felt.

But I do wonder: What is the point of saying these things if there is nothing in them that can be shared by others? I write and turn things around in my mind because it’s what I do. But it’d be nice to think that the words find homes in others too.

Sorry if this post seems a little too abstract. It was based on being in a situation where one person sitting amongst their posse was badmouthing a couple of other people, for what seemed like fairly reasonable reasons. The thing was they weren’t only venting, they were trying to get their posse to join in on the slamming. They wanted affirmation “Yeah, those guys suck, the losers who waste their life and have no regard for others.” (~~imply imply: our way of life is best, we know best~~). And they finally pulled their friends into the badmouthing by building the story up to dramatic heights.

The whole time I was thinking… sure, I feel myself more similar to you in how to spend the day and how to act when living with others… but I haven’t had a lot of interaction with these other guys, just like most of the posse. I don’t think the badmouther was a liar in what they experienced and how they felt as a result. But I don’t see why I should have to adopt their negative feelings, why I should make myself look down on these guys before I even know them.

I don’t do it too much but I have joined in on badmouthing, have tried to get people on my side or have joined the side of someone even when I don’t know too much from my own experience. I don’t know what it serves though… Stress relief? But why rope others in, why convince them to believe something about someone they barely know?

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4 thoughts on “Doubts: what is shared, what is created

  1. I watched a documentary about bullying this morning. One girl who had been a bully but was now being bullied by her former group said that being part of a group of bullies had made her feel powerful and safe. I think that is where the bad-mouthing comes in. By being part of the “bully group” one gains immunity. I have seen a series of individuals being picked off in my workplace and I suspect that people feel that if they join in the bullying, or at least don’t help the victim, they will not be next on the list.

  2. What I found weird about this though is that the posse consisted of people who were already really good friends to the badmouther. I’m not sure they would be at risk of being dumped on like these other guys (who were not in the room at the time).

  3. Interesting topic line really! My solstice celebrations consisted of wearing as many thermal polyprops as i could get my hands on, traveling a little way out of dunedin then consuming a plethora of drugs. at an out door dance party. bah unfortunately the usual happy hippy kindness and free love happy vibe thing was not there.
    because unfortunately one very opinionated lass, whos negative “Benji” opinion is only outweighed by her otter looks and her blatant immaturity. had convinced the 20 to 30 strong helper volunteer crew to join her in a night of ridicule, that seriously ended with lass on the mainstage microphone attempting to rap about all the reasons why I suck…
    I found the entire night to be somewhat amazingly funny, a few mayby 4 or so close friends made it known that they had nothing to do with it. they went on to mention that when a whole lot of people are stoned baked or just generally chilling its, or seemed for them relatively easy for one opinionated person to steer most of the dialog at a person unknown to many of the group. and because all other aspects of the group were a success the opinions and ideas vented kind of solidified in a strange way. it wasnt untill early the next morning shortly after the first tab had worn of a lil, the sun was straining to break through a blanket of clouds. a random young woman sat next to me we talked for a while had a smoke. then out of nowhere she says, “wow, that girls weird! you seem really nice?” maintaining the HUH? Impenatrable loving blanket of nope I can chose the present theme and construction of the universe cos im wacked on acid! wasn’t too hard but I did break into a smile when apon giving my response, “huh? what girl?” the mainstage cranked up again so everyone could hear another bad 50cent style girl rap about how “benji sucks?” so other then a totally random story from left field after recently being in an amplified version of what you described, I dont think it was much more then very inefficient energy loss. none of the negativity affected me, hmm well I did spend a few hours skipping through native bush hugging trees and talking to fairies, perhaps alot more then usual. perhaps that doesnt make sense?

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