What a resume

Number one sign that Susan is completely focused on composing emails to potential employers:

* ………….. shhhh splish! splish! ssslop *

Uh-oh. Oh shit. No, that can’t be the running bath overflowing?! No no shit shit . . . Ohhhhhhhhh damnit.

It’s a spillage of 20-30 towel magnitude. In the midst of my embarrassment and contrition for being so negligent, I still manage to take note of how the lapping low waters reflect the light so that it dances on the bottom of the bathroom door. “Oh how lovely :)” thinks she-doofus.

No respectable mop in sight, I begin the hero’s journey of ridding the bathroom floor of its floodwaters using a plastic bag and my cupped scooper hand. (Hands are really the most ingenious invention ever. This occurs to me at least once a month.) As I’m there squatting on a poor soggy towel, scooping water into a plastic bag to be tipped out into the shower, a question suddenly occurs to me. “Should I stay here and continue to scoop water until it’s sufficiently cleared, which will take an unknown but certainly extremely long amount of time; or should I go back and finish that email I was working on first? I mean, I’m almost finished and I was just getting into the groove of sounding intelligent. Hmmmmm……..”

I’m telling you, all bathrooms should have a slanting floor. I mean nature knows that slopes and water go together.


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